One of the most important things about taking a casual and friendly relationship with a Japanese woman to the next level is also possibly the largest stumbling block that, if not handled correctly, will destroy the chances of getting the girl and solidifying the romance.

As men, we prefer to progress quickly through as few stages as possible when we pursue a romantic interest. But for many Japanese women, there may be dozens if not hundreds of smaller stages before our coveted conclusion comes to pass. To win her over and gain her trust, you will need to successfully progress from stage to stage — jumping through the numerous hoops that she has placed in your path — before she will let down her defensive walls and begin to view you as a possible boyfriend.

By nature, Japanese women are cautions about starting a new emotionally romantic relationship. I use the word “emotionally” because some aggressive Japanese women will move into a physically intimate relationship right away. These brief flames of romance are never intended to go beyond the mere physical. They are just a way to relieve stress, briefly boost her ego, or both. They are “here today and gone tomorrow.” But when a Japanese woman is looking for a true relationship, she move will move much slowly and carefully. This is the kind of woman that you will most likely meet.

Japanese women who are attracted to you are looking for the signs that you are interested in more than just “physical” activities. They want to know who you really are before moving on to a deeper relationship. They will keep you at arms length, often throwing up barriers and challenges that you must respond to in what they believe is the correct way to react. And since this can differ from woman to woman, it can be a true challenge, indeed. The key is to continue to show your interest in her: send her text messages or call her from time to time to chat. Something important to remember, though: never drop in on her at her office or at her home. That kind of invasion of privacy will do more to damage the relationship than to strengthen it.

There are many ideas being tossed around as to why Japanese women play these hard-to-get games with men. Some believe that women just like to see how far they can push a man. It gives them a sense of power. Others believe that such games give women a boost in their self-esteem, self-confidence, and yes, even their ego. Whatever the reason may be, don’t become discouraged. If she isn’t coming around to your side then let her be. Wasting your time and your emotions on long, drawn out games that only aggravate you will only darken the relationship should it ever begin.